inspiration

 

“Every day we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended. But what you’re doing when you indulge these negative emotions is giving something outside yourself power over your happiness. You can choose to not let little things upset you” – Joel Osteen

Long lost

Long lost by Ruth Wangari

dedicated to Stella Toroitich, Lorna Jerono and Lydiah Wekesa

 

I miss the days

When we used to sit

To chit chat and chatter

But now

You are long lost

Into the world, you disappeared

Long lost my friends

 

When we would do the weirdest

The shadiest of them all

The things friends do

And no fear or prejudice

Life was good

Or is not true?

Oh… I miss you my friends

 

When we called one another

And laughed over the phone

Like little girls do

Remembering the days

Of our youth

Miss you my dear friends

 

When we cooked together

When we walked together

To Mabs, to Chebaiwa, to Asururiet,

To Falls, to Stage… even Cheptiret

When we did it all

Together

So long my friends

So lost my friends

 

When we scrutinized each other’s

Boyfriends…et al

How can I forget?

Oh really, I cant

I miss them days

I miss our friendship

Every part of it

Just the way it used to be

 

But why did it end?

But why?

What happened?

One day my friend

I will get an answer

To search such.

So long

So lost

desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

In Your 30s

chanyado

You will look back and see yourself, from outside yourself. An awkward looking not yet awkward feeling young girl, all teeth and pudgy limbs, barefoot on the carpet, swirling on tip toes, feeling her dress swish and swoosh. Hips, shoulders, arms, neck, wrists; moving, flailing, jerking, gyrating, flicking, twisting, swaying. Pupils dilated in the pleasure of the moment, music surging through the body. A pair of drum sticks at rhythm’s bidding. She of the big toothed smile, slurping up the adoration of adults gathered around, revelling in the experience of them enjoying her, enjoying her self.

Then it will change. You will remember the feeling of confusion, but not how the message was relayed; that it wasn’t appropriate to be dancing for the adults anymore. It will come as an inwardly radiating awareness, that there existed a self to be conscious of. A self that existed outside of you. A…

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Being the chaser

Immediately he walked into my office, I knew he was my kind of a guy. He was the guy in every girl’s dreams… a tall, dark, handsome guy. With cute nails and wears cute shoes. He is the guy I had envisioned all through my life. I had made up mind. I was not letting him go. I put on my best smile. Yes that smile that is not for everyone. That you can see to my last jaw. As i welcomed him in, i offered my hand and he shook it with a firm grip. Yes. He had it all. Girls like men with firm grip. Not shaky soft soft handshake that you wonder if the person wanted to great you or you forced yourself into it.

He sat down and we started a conversation. I was all eyes. Then he left. The good thing is, I was to call him to confirm something later so he gave me his number. I had to do my part asap so that he obviously gets mine too. Off he left. But i had this sheepish smile on my face that if he’d come back he’d think I was insane.

Before the end of the day, I had confirmed what he wanted but I decided not to call him. ‘Its too soon.’ Time. Patience pays. ‘May be if i take some time, he can get his own ways to follow it up.’

Three days passed, nothing. I decided to do the honourable. He picked up with the first ring. Butterflies!!!

I explained to him that it took some time and he calmly apologised for taking me through the hustle. We chatted a little, I trying to catch every detail and hear if he will flirt or say something that was related to admiration but nothing. Just calm and collected mature talk.

I beat myself after the call feeling all silly and stupid. How could I think that the guy had even an inch of hots for me… but no? It was even embarrassing to think about the whole episode. I decided to let fate take its cause.

Days passed but the thoughts of this charmer never left me. I dreamt of him everytime. I even wrote imaginary poems to him. When my friends were discussing their boyfriends, I also discussed mine, only that he was imaginary. I talked highly of him. I even faked that he took me out. At some point I was the envy of my friends. They all longed to meet him but I lied that he was a very shy man who worked in a different town.

Months passed, then one day, I got a call. Of course I had saved his number but I pretended I did not know who was calling. He went ahead to introduce himself again. I even thought he could hear my heart pounding. He wanted me to do some work for him and I readily as hell agreed. I could not let this moment pass. I had suffered enough. Note to self: If he does not ask me out I will ask him myself. In the conversation I threw in some flirty words too.

I went into Facebook and started searching him, he had told me where he went to school and the year he cleared his university. Fortunately my brother had gone to the same university. I went through my brother’ s friend list and searching even in their friends of friends list. This took me two days but luckily I found him. Friend request pap. He accepted. Now the chase began. I could post my very provocative photos and wait for the comments, mostly his. If it never happened I’d sulk. I would mention my Friday night outs just in case. Like posting, listening to Jazz music at  club Tribeka and the like.

Still the guy dragged his feet. I had asked around at his workplace, known he was very single. Followed up him up to his house. Then one day I just decided, this is it. In the company of a friend, I knocked up his house in the name of house searching. I had seen at the gate a sticker indicating “vacant house”. I let my friend knock the house and i pretended not to know who lived there. When he got out baaaam… am there pretending OMG look who i bump into and he is also equally surprised. So i quickly took charge and said how we are searching for a house and the caretaker was not picking his phone and so we decided to knock and ask because there were only two houses, the vacant one and now his.

Gentlemannness, he welcomed us in. Went and looked for the caretaker, we viewed the house and pretended to like everything about it. I moved in a few days later.

Need I put the rest here? Those nights I would show up at his door in my nighties wanting him to replace a bulb, which I had intentionally removed. The times I’d block the sink so that he comes to check it for me and find me wearing my minute LBD. The times I would call like a damsel in distress and say I heard some noise outside my house. And he would be there. Sometimes even all night because am this scared to stay in my house lest the thug comes back. The few times I staggered to his house and welcomed myself in and he would nurse me and my nasty hangover until the next day noon. And finally, little by little I moved in. And now we are together. Expecting.

Checkin on you

The going has been tough. I barely have any time to myself. Like I cannot remember the last time I checked into a salon. Being an editor is rough…most of the times. I don’t know if I will put up a real article any time soon. Burr… all is well.

Meanwhile if I get something worth sharing, I’ll drop it here.

Keep it locked.

Inspiration

I received this inspiring piece from a friend and i thought of sharing it….

A cruise ship met with an accident at sea. On the ship was a couple who, after having made their way to the lifeboat, they realized that there was only space for one person left.

At this moment, the man pushed the woman behind him and jumped onto the lifeboat himself.

The lady stood on the sinking ship and shouted one sentence to her husband.

The teacher stopped and asked, “What do you think she shouted?”

Most of the students excitedly answered, “I hate you! I was blind!”

Now, the teacher noticed a boy who was silent throughout, she got him to answer and he replied, “Teacher, I believe she would have shouted – Take care of our child!”

The teacher was surprised, asking “Have you heard this story before?”

The boy shook his head, “Nope, but that was what my mum told my dad before she died to disease”.

The teacher lamented, “The answer is right”.

The cruise sunk, the man went home and brought up their daughter single-handedly.

Many years later after the death of the man, their daughter found his diary while tidying his belongings.

It turns out that when parents went onto the cruise ship, the mother was already diagnosed with a terminal illness. At the critical moment, the father rushed to the only chance of survival.

He wrote in his diary, “How I wished to sink to the bottom of the ocean with you, but for the sake of our daughter, I can only let you lie forever below the sea alone”.

The story is finished, the class was silent.

The teacher knows that the student has understood the moral of the story, that of the good and the evil in the world, there are many complications behind them which are hard to understand.

Which is why we should never only focus on the surface and judge others without understanding them first.

Those who like to pay the bill, do so not because they are loaded but because they value friendship above money.

Those who take the initiative at work, do so not because they are stupid but because they understand the concept of responsibility.

Those who apologize first after a fight, do so not because they are wrong but because they value the people around them.

Those who are willing to help you, do so not because they owe you any thing but because they see you as a true friend.

Those who often text you, do so not because they have nothing better to do but because you are in their heart.

One day, all of us will get separated from each other; we will miss our conversations of everything & nothing; the dreams that we had. Days will pass by, months, years, until this contact becomes rare…

One day our children will see our pictures and ask ‘Who are these people?’ And we will smile with invisible tears because a heart is touched with a strong word and you will say: ‘IT WAS THEM THAT I HAD THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE WITH’.

PS: I don’t know who is the original author that is why I have no acknowledgements.

tell them

Sad..and yes tell them

Life as a Widower

The eighty-five-year-old driver who killed my wife, Desreen, was jailed today for eighteen months for causing her death by dangerous driving. He was also banned from driving for life. I suspect he, his family and friends are feeling really quite dreadful right now, and, for what it’s worth, mine and I aren’t exactly celebrating either.

You see, I’ve had time to think since attending the trial and I’ve realised that you can punish a crime but you can’t transfer pain. Any suffering caused to the defendant as a result of his sentencing could in no way take away mine. I’ve since learned that, having suffered so much myself, I genuinely wish no hurt on any other person and I never wished a prison sentence on the driver, either.

In fact, I wasn’t even going to mention the sentencing on my blog at all. But then I reminded myself that justice for Desreen is best served not by a…

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Nyeri Woman

I stumbled upon this and felt I should share… being a Nyeri woman you know with all the stereotyping and all we have a good side…pun intended

Borrowed: – To ALL my Sisters from Nyeri!

NYERI WOMEN:::
1. They are beautiful
2. They are a beast of burden
3. They don’t believe in impossibilities
4. They don’t dream they think
5. They don’t cry, they shut their eyes
for a while, breathe slowly n then
smile n if they cant smile,they farm
furiously
6. They love hard n fight hard,very
hard.
7. They don’t pray they negotiate with
God
8. They tell ‘shaitani’ to bring it on,
am told ‘shaitani’ took to the heels
9. They don’t try,they never
attempt,they make it happen
10. They fail a hundred times,but
they try a million times
11. The warm smile,hug belongs to a
Nyeri woman,determination n hopes
lives in a Nyeri woman, heart,grace n
beauty was born by a Nyeri woman n
so was leadership….. Infact to Nyeri
women beauty is not in the eyes of
the beholder,beauty is in the breath
that takes away the beholder n the
hearts that skip many a beat.
12. Nyeri woman is like good wine
only get better by age.
PROUD TO BE A NYERI WOMAN!

Heartache

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At six in the AM, her cell phone beeped, a text message. She was still so sleepy to pick it up. Another text. This time she rolled and just when she was about to pick it, her ringing tone filled the room. She quickly jumped and picked it. She did not look at the cellphone to see who was calling. She picked up in her sleepy self.

Before she even said hello, a female voice came through, “Hello? Do you know Mister Jack. I’m calling from the hospital. Please come as soon as possible. We are at the Calvary Hospital on Tekenya Street, next to Buma Restaurant. Please hurry.”

“What? Who is that? What has happened?” Not a single response came through. She looked at the cellular only for her to realize that the call was long ended. She stood there. She didn’t know what to do. She felt dizzy. She suddenly let out a scream and wailed. Unfortunately she was the only person in the house. There was no one to consult.

She immediately wiped off her tears. Rushed to the bathroom and in two minutes she was on the door. She rushed to the garage but remembered that her husband had gone with the car. It is at this point that the previous day memories came flowing in.

She still remembered her husbands look as he left through the door the previous night. It was a look that she will never forget. She blamed herself and cursed. She mutted to herself, “Why? What happened to him?”

She kept on walking, half running. When she reached the main road, she waived a taxi and sauntered in. She only mentioned the hospital and the vehicle took off leaving a ball of dust behind it. In the taxi she went through the fight that had happened the previous night. Yes they had fought. It was not their first fight but this was one of the worst. She remembered it all. Every detail. Every word.

She had called Jack the previous day. She had wanted him to meet her in a coffee house in town. She wanted to reveal the good news to him. Yes she had something to tell him. Jack had at first refused but after so much pleading and woiye and so much more, he agreed. But it was to be at his venue of choice. He told her that he would call her by eight in the evening to advice her where they’d meet.

Janet then went ahead to prepare herself. She had earlier sent the children and her house girl to her sister’s place since the schools had closed. She had her hair done, her nails manicured. She was not used to make up but this day she’d put on some little make up and worn one of those dresses that she wore to dinners and occasions of high profile which were very rare in her life. Then the waiting game began… 8pm, 8.30, 8.45, 9pm, 10, 11.

Where is he? Why isn’t he calling me? She had tried calling him but his phone was off. Only voice of, “Mteja wa nambari uliyopiga hapatikani kwa sasa…” Damn! How could he? At some point of her devastation, she mumbled some prayers for him. She wished he was safe.

At 2pm, she heard a loud bang on the gate, after some time a knock on the door. She opened. She was still dressed up. Jack walked past her straight to their bedroom leaving a streak of liquor. He looked angry.

‘At whom? By whom? Reverse psychology right?’ She thought.

Janet chose not to talk. She let him be. She sat on the coach pretending to watch the TV. After a few minutes later, she heard him snoring. She went to the bedroom and confirmed. He was indeed dead asleep. Just then a buzz sound was heard. It was Jack’s phone. She picked it up. It was a whatsapp message. It read, “Hun, are you home already with your ugly wife. Am sorry. If only you’d agreed to spend at my place…we’d be on our sixth round hehehe, luv you xoxo.”

Janet froze. What is this now? She looked at the phone in disbelief. Then she quickly went to the profile of the sender. An image she knew all too well sprawled on her face. It was her former house-maid. She scanned through other texts from the same contact and it was all there. “Why Jack? Why? Is this why you stood me up. You were with her.”

request heartache heartbroken heartbreak love loss writing feelings Quotes

Tears rolled through her cheeks. Her heart was pounding so hard. She skipped a beat. In a moment she didn’t know what to do. Suddenly she felt like throwing up. She did. She screamt and cried and threw up. It’s at that moment that Jack woke up.

“Are you sick Janet? Whats happening? Can I take you to the hospital? ”

She threw up more. Jack rose up and went to pick her up. He was walking towards her. Sleepy. His eyes blood shot. Just when he was about to get to her, he stopped. Mouth wide open in disbelief. He had spotted his phone in her hand. It was covered in vomit. He shouted, “Oh no… Janet what have you done? What are you doing? How can you… shit…” He didn’t finish. Janet threw up on his face.

“How could you Jack, why? You cheat on me with a house girl. I though you were a real man. I sacrificed my life for you, my career, my happiness, my independence. Name them all. I gave you two children… Today I wanted to tell you that am expecting but you stood me up and now this?”

“What are you saying Janet? Are you… Did you…”

Janet cut him short again. She jumped on him. She beat him up, spat on him, she bit him. She did all she could. He stood there not moving. Not talking. Not even a whiff from him. By this time she was screaming, tears, vomit, saliva and mucous all over her face. She wanted him to defend himself. She wanted him to talk. He stood there fixed like a statue. She was in so much pain. She wanted him to feel the pain. She picked up a bottle and was about to hit him but he had seen it. He held her hand mid air and pushed her. She fell. He took his coat and left.

At that instant Janet came to her senses. It had been her moment of temporary insanity. She knew it was over between them. Completely. The look on his face was clear. But somehow she felt good. She was not sad. No. She didn’t cry anymore. She went into the bathroom. Cleaned up the mess and jumped into her bed.

She slept until that deafening call that morning. She had not thought of him. She had not thought of his cheating. She had not thought of her next step. She had not thought of how she could face him. She had not thought whether to leave her marriage or stay. Now this?

Before she could even think of what to do… what to say to him. Before clear thoughts formed in her mind, the vehicle stopped abruptly. She looked up. They were already at the hospital. She paid the taxi guy and hurriedly walked to the casualty room.

Deep down in her mind she knew she loved Jack. She had loved him with her mind and soul. She had never thought he would cheat on her. He was a perfect husband or at least he tried. His only misfit was that he was a workaholic. He only said work this, work that, etc. She supported him. She waited for him when he went for trips. She warmed his food when he came in late from work.

She remembered a quote her friend gave her when her ex broke her heart…  It made her brave. “Yes, I understand why things had to happen this way. I understand his reason for causing me pain. But mere understanding does not chase away the hurt. It does not call upon the sun when dark clouds have loomed over me. Let the rain come then if it must come! And let it wash away the dust that hurt my eyes!” ― Jocelyn Soriano, Mend My Broken Heart.

Now at that moment… She didn’t even know what to tell him if at all he was still alive at the hospital. She entered the ER and walked to the nurse station…